November 30, 2020, I met my American OBGYN, Dr. Dauterive. After the examination, my outcome was the same as before; I was too damaged for surgery and I would have to wait until I was 12 WEEKS postpartum. Fast forward another month of sitz baths, peri bottles, and gentle walks, it was time for another examination. Every examination was just one more anxiety attack, the thought of being touched made me shiver. 

            During this time, my son was having significant health issues, which will be explained further in an additional blog post on discovering health concerns with your child.

            On January 4, 2021, I went in for my follow up appointment with my doctor, which was very reassuring. I was finally “healed” enough to consider scheduling surgery. We set the date for February 5^th, in hopes that Dan would finally be reunited with us. At this point Dan had stayed behind in Germany trying to get our compassionate reassignment approved to be able to move back to the U.S. instead of South Korea. 

            Since I was healing more and my range of movement was improving I was given a referral to start working with a pelvic floor physical therapist, Lauren Luke Physical Therapy and Wellness, to start relaxing my pelvic floor muscles, loosen up my scar tissue, and start exercises for my prolapsed bladder/uterus. I met with Lauren Luke on January 19^th. I wasn’t really sure what to expect with pelvic floor physical therapy, but it ended up being exactly what I needed both physically and mentally. 

Did you know that you can get knots in your 

pelvic floor muscles, just like any other muscle in your body?

 I surely didn’t!

            I’ll include more information about Pelvic Floor physical therapy, what to expect with your first session and the amazing benefits it has for women in any stage of postpartum, whether you are a couple of months or 18+ years, in future blog posts. 

            Surgery day was finally upon us. I was extremely nervous going into surgery not knowing what my pain level would be. There was also a chance that a Fistula could reoccur now that one had formed. 

Would I be able sit or walk after, or would I be limited like I was before? 

            As Dan and I walked into the building my nerves started to grow, but I knew things would be different than before. We checked in and they brought me back to take basic vitals and sign some paperwork. After that they led me to my PRIVATE room, which was a very foreign concept to me at this point. I wiped down with sterile wipes and got into my gown and cap. I remember laughing thinking this felt like a spa having my own room, warm wipes and heated blankets. Once dressed, Dan joined me in the room to say our last goodbyes and talk to the doctors. The anesthesiologist went over the medicine used and how it would be waking up in recovery. There was something calming about going over the procedure with the doctors one more time. When they were ready for me, the anesthesiologist came back in and gave me an IV to fall asleep. 

            Let me tell you if you haven’t had surgery yet, those drugs are STRONG. Before I could even get down the hall out of my room I was seeing double. The last thing I remember seeing were the giant lights on the ceiling in the operating room and I was out. 

          The hard part came after surgery when I started to come to. I started shaking uncontrollably for about 15-20 minutes. It was hard for them get my shakes under control from the anesthesia, which naturally made me bare down hard on my pelvic floor and start pulling all of my fresh stitches. They gave me warming blankets, several rounds of IVs and water. I could barely talk I was shaking so violently. Finally, it started to slow down and my muscles started to relax. I wasn’t expecting my incision to hurt so much. This was by far more painful than when I had to be stitched-up the first time. The main difference was that now I didn’t have all of the adrenal, sleep deprivation and oxytocin I had the first time around. The pain meds were not nearly as helpful as my natural pain killers my body provided me. The body is pretty amazing at producing pain relief under the stress of child birth. 

            When everything had worn off, Dan was able to take me home. We made it back to my parent’s house before noon and I was in bed ready to pass out. I slept most of the day away. Dan and my mother took care of me all weekend. It was time to look forward, because in just two short months I would be clear to start working-out and lead a normal life again. Now was the time to begin the real healing and find myself again. 

            Which brings us to the birth of my business, Core Vitality Fitness. Shortly after surgery I was looking for a way to channel my energy, emotions and find some piece and comfort in what had happened to me. I felt a calling to get my story out there and help other women. I truly believe that the more women talk to their experience the more normal and less traumatic it will be for others. I hope that my story has done just that. 

In future blog post I hope to share other stories from brave mommas out there. I’ve never been a writer, but this process has been very healing. If you have a story you would like to share, please reach out to CVF. I would love to share your experiences, so that others can feel the love and support that is out there.