Maternal Mental Health
I am 1 in 5
Maternal Mental Health Week - May 1-7, 2022
This is my second year reflecting on Maternal Mental Health Month, and what that means for me. It has been 18 months + 3 weeks since I experienced my birth trauma. Although I didn’t even realize that’s what I was experiencing until I was 3-4 months postpartum.
Around 3 months postpartum, I hit my mental breaking point. It was January 20, 2021, during my son’s first cardiologist appointment that I would experience a panic attack. I remember my brain lost focus, I couldn’t clearly understand the doctor (almost like a Charlie Brown cartoon), the left side of my body went numb, I felt really warm, I had tunnel vision, and my heart started to race. Luckily it didn’t last long and by the time we left the office I started to feel better. It was a total out of body experience.
Everything we had been through since the birth finally started to weigh on me.
You can find my full birth story in past blog posts
It was as though a part of me had fractured. Until now I had been living on high alert and it all came crashing down.
In the following weeks, I would spend hours on the phone trying to find a therapist that was “in network” with my health insurance. Unfortunately, I would end up paying out of pocket for BOTH mental health + Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy, but it was worth it to find the 2 most important women in my healing journey.
I was 1 in 5
I was diagnosed with Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) and birth related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). After months of therapy sessions, medication, surgery, talking about my experience, and building this business I was on the right path in my healing journey. Even to this day it is incredibly healing to talk about my experience, which is why I created this blog.
If you would like to share your motherhood experiences, email me at info@corevitalityfitness.com
Healing looks different for everyone and while I am STILL healing, I can now look back and see how far I have come. This past fall I decided to start weaning off of my medication because I was doing well, however, come January 2022 things started to drop again. Being hit with COVID was physically and mentally exhausting. When concerns were raised about my mental state I was put back on my medication and was sent to a Psychiatrist for re-evaluation. Luckily I am doing well and my anxiety is subsiding, so I am starting to wean off of medication again. The weaning process definitely comes with some withdrawal symptoms, but over all they haven't been too bad. I feel good and proud of where I am in this moment.
Things I have overcome:
- I can hear a positive birth story without getting angry or jealous
- No longer fear my baby is going to die
- Ability to use essential oils again (I used them during my birth & would experience flashbacks due to the smell of them)
- Sleep through the night without nightmares
- Remove my MAMA necklace (which seems insignificant, but it took me 18 months before I was able to finally remove it from my body. I had it on the day I gave birth and I couldn’t bring myself to take it off)
- Fear or intimacy and tampons
- Fear of touching my scars
- Ability to talk about my story without crying (well almost…some parts just get me)
- Ability to love my body again
These have all felt like huge accomplishments. Each one unique, but all together terrifying 18 months ago. I challenge anyone reading this to look back on how far you have come in motherhood, even if you didn't struggle with your mental health.
If you are struggling with mental health please reach out to a professional. You are not alone…
#CombatStigma #1in5 #MaternalMentalHealth
Resources:
- Postpartum Support International
